I think part of this conditioning in our culture is that men are predominately told that their only value is in what they do. Simply being isn't enough. Thus, they feel the need to provide for their partners in order to "earn" the right to her respect.

I'm with you on the whole "these arguments show that you made poor financial decisions in your marriage, but don't mean that marriage as an institution is inherently bad" train. I still think about what a wedding would look like this time around: I"m thinking at the base of some big trees in the forest, with immediate family members and a taco truck. It lends some ceremony, but isn't the hullabaloo I had (wanted? needed?) the first time around.