How Do You Grieve Your Own “Death?”

One woman’s search to put her “death” behind her so she can move forward with her life

Photo by author

While the pandemic that began in 2020 caused stress and upheaval for nearly everyone on the planet, some people coped better than others.

I was not one of them.

A recent Friday night had me deleting many of my social media pages and unfollowing former friends and acquaintances on the social media I didn’t delete. I struggled to feel a connection to the me who I was when I befriended those people. I can’t access the same joyous light I held and shined on everyone around me in the BeforeTimes, and conversations with a few formerly dear pals lately have been stilted and dry, leaving me wishing we hadn’t attempted to connect in the first place.

Before, I had boundless energy and seemingly limitless capacity for connection; Now, I can tolerate maybe 3 people on a semi-regular basis but must space out personal interactions or face an emotional hangover for days afterward.

Before, I loved to dance, make jewelry, hike, bake and experiment in my kitchen, host gatherings and parties, play games, have spontaneous adventures, and try new things; Now, I’m learning guitar, and hanging at home, and…writing. But that’s it.