Any intimate relationship has a number of elements that must be in harmony for the relationship to work, and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. I have always believed the grass is greener where you water it, but what happens when you realize that the grass you’ve been pouring water onto (at the expense of your ability to replenish that water) is actually something else, perhaps brown poison ivy? It just doesn’t have the ability to turn into green grass.

Of course, this is but a small snippet of my story and filtered through my eyes. My ex might have a different take on what happened in our marriage.

And while the divorce was absolutely devastating—I lost my best friend, my certainty about the future, my belief in love everlasting if you’re willing to put in the work, my home, half my family, my life savings, etc etc—it was also freeing. I no longer tolerate someone belittling me. I will no longer be in a relationship with someone who makes unilateral decisions that severely affect the two of us. I will no longer be with someone who shows disrespect after disrespect.

So to answer your question, both.

Thank you for reading and your thoughtful perspective.